It's impressive how quickly time can fly!

I hate to say, but I'm still (STILL) at the car dealership. I enjoy it because I choose to enjoy it, but it's certainly not what I want to be doing! The coworker I had that was actually a good worker (though not according to some people) "quit"... though I'm hearing now that he "got quit"... not too sure about everything, and nor do I really care. Weather's been so crappy as of late that I don't really care that he hasn't shown up since he put in his notice (he was supposed to be there til after Xmas) I've been keeping busy driving and such... hasn't been too bad.

I'm getting a little tired, however, of the seemingly constant rejection from various job interviews I've been going on. And the one job offer I got (more or less) I had to turn down as it was full time and my PT is getting busy enough that I'm needing/wanting part time work to free up more time to take on more clients and eventually get that to the point of supporting me! It's REALLY not going to take much more to get it to that point- or at least replace my current income! In the New Year, I'm going to approach some larger corporations to see about offering lunch time yoga classes as it's proven that relaxed employees are more productive and exercise energizes the mind and body. We'll have to see if that flies!

Shannon's photography seems to be taking off! He put an add on Craigs List and has had a couple contacts. One session he's done and got some nice pics. Another contact is for early January and it should be real interesting- she's native and her kids are going to be in full native garb- the traditional ceremonial... should be cool! He's been contacted for a wedding in early Feb, but haven't heard any more about that. He has a session this weekend for a couple gals including an (ex) rockabilly model which could be cool!!! We've also been doing a lot more of myself... playing with lighting and backdrops, ect... it's been loads of fun!

Check out his FB page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Courtenay-BC/Shannon-Norton-Digital-Images/99158096310

But it was kinda interesting at work... a couple of my coworkers are friends of mine on FB. One of them always blushes when he compliments me on the recent photos... and especially the most recent ones as I was actually nude- though very tasteful. (they wouldn't be allowed up there if they werent!) but the other day, he decided to show the other guy he works with the photos. Very little was actually said by him at the time- which really surprised me. He said he liked the style of photography, but very little about me. This morning I went in and was visiting... then he said a few things. I didn't realize he used to be a professional photographer! He asked me where I learned to pose... it's always just come to me... he said I have a natural ability to pose and I should take acting and modelling lessons to increase my repitoire! I've had a couple people say I should, but never coming from an actual photographer- I've just always shrugged it off! It's really very intriguing! I'd love to get into modelling!

Too much I already have so much going on and so little time to do it!

So for now, I'll work with what I've got (as I KNOW agencies would tell me to lose 30 lbs and I'm too old!) and continue to work with Shannon! He's got the great eye and everything! I have ideas of what I want to do for some photos... and whatever happens, happens!

Friday was pretty rough. I was still obviously sick, and I did everything I could to make it through the day. Then I had Tracy's session which is QUITE energetic. Made it through that as well... after I had a quick shower and got cleaned up to go out for dinner. We went to Tita's for mexican. It was very yummy, but I'm afraid some of the taste was wasted as I was stuffed and couldn't smell much. After we stopped in at Walmart to see about eucalyptus bath oils and "deep cold" that Mac was told about at his mom's the other day. I also found an AWESOME pair of soft leopard print pj's trimmed in pink. I pretty much hopped in the bath and put on the pj's and didn't get out of them for 2 days!

Saturday I did my usual grocery shopping in the morning. I left early and had to kill some time between groceries and when I knew the vet opened (for cat food) so I went for a drive as I took the camera and tripod. I wanted to go to Stokum Falls, but the water levels were SO high, they went into the forest, so no photos. Once I got home, I think I donned my pj's again and didn't get out of them ALL day! Well... I did go out about 430 as I wanted to go to the "without sugar shop" as I felt like something to drink that WASN'T water (or alcohol)... unfortunately, when we got there, they were closed... but she was still there and she let me in! Made my day! We mostly watched movies all day... still felt like CRAP, so later in the evening, I WILLED myself to get better! Went to bed and meditated- focusing on purging my body of the illness. I slept well and actually woke up feeling MUCH better!

Sunday was a GREAT day! In the morning I decided we should pick a recipe or two and cook a nice meal! Going through my allrecipes account, I found 3 recipes- tandoori chicken, butter chickpeas (which had NO butter!) , naan, and my scratch chai tea. Mac also suggested a "picnic", so off I went again, in the blistery, windy, rainy day to the grocery store to get everything we needed. When I got home, I prepared the picnic... wine, cheese, crackers, meat, pickles, oil & vinegar, foccacia bread and strawberries... VERY yummy! Then I started baking... the tofu chocolate cake to start, then the meal... only to realize the naan would take 3 HOURS to finish and I realized this about 430! So... off to the store AGAIN in the blustery, windy, rainy day to go buy naan!!! The butter chickpea was AMAZING! Mac said the tandoori chicken was good, but VERY spicy! Everything was amazing! The kitchen is immaculate- mostly from Mac on the Saturday cleaning, but I continued today as I was cooking.

We also discussed my NEXT interview... I've made a further cut for more interviews and testing! WOW! Very thorough! So Tuesday afternoon is my interview and test!!! I'm really hoping I get this as Raf has told me I'm "not qualified" for Tara's position though the halp wanted add indicates I AM qualified! I don't think it closes for another week or so, so I should know if I got the NIEFS job... and if not, I'll talk to him again.

Mac also put an add on Craigslist for models wanted and has had a contact. We're throwing ideas around and looking at George Hurrell's photos and have more AWESOME inspirational ideas! If it wasn't 9pm (and the fact I have a nose that would make Rudolph jealous) I'm sure we'd be down there taking pics! But as it is, it's late and I REALLY want to start working out in the mornings again!

So... 'NITE!!!

I'm in the store with a friend, making a purchase... looking for candles and table toppers for my cousins wedding. As we approach the counter, 2 handicapped people approach as well. Suddenly, they drop the facade and draw guns, demanding cash. Hoping they didn't see us, my friend and I split up... I discover I'm stuck in a back room with another terrified shopper. As the ordeal continues, we try and hide.

As the robbery comes to an end, the female comes towards where we were- only to discover there's no exit. Suddenly she draws the gun and shoots the person beside me as I cower under my inadequate cover. I watch her point the gun at me and pulls the trigger. A caged animal fighting to get away from her imprisonment.

I fall back against the wall, holding my chest. There is no pain. Everything is in slow motion and the sounds of screaming are muted. Blood seeps out between my fingers as everything crashes around me. I scream for help, but everyone is standing there looking at me. Someone finally speaks:

"don't be afraid, you're supposed to go"

In fear, I claw my way out of the back room, trying to find my friend. When I find her, she sits holding me. Waves wash over me and I feel Thomas waiting for me on the other side. The last thing I say is:

"don't hold hatred in your heart for the people who did this"

The spinning of the CD alarm brings me into awareness, but I remain unable to wake. I see things happening around me, but I'm unable to respond. Finally when I am aware enough, I start to cry....

This is how my morning started. The constriction in my chest lasted all morning and the funny feeling remained all day. I don't often (EVER) have dreams that shake me this bad... but there was something in it that shook me...

I'm trying to take this dream as in a tarot card reading... death meaning change...

Hoping it's good things to come regarding the job I applied for...

...I shall have to wait and see...

So yesterday morning I had my job interview at NIEFS... It was intimidating... as nice as the ladies were, it was a round table- the 3 of them taking turns asking questions and all making notes throughout... it only took 1/2 hour... don't know if that's good or bad... I got the impression that they were impressed at my answers- a lot of scenerios... even without knowing their policies, I seem to have done well. I left feeling pretty good about the whole thing... they asked me if they could call my references... and said one way or another they'd contact me by the end of the week...

But the last couple days have been... interesting...

After I got back to work, later in the afternoon, my boss came up and asked me how much notice would I be able to give... um, strange... but he knew I had the interview... but still...

And then today, T came up and mentioned that my boss (at the staff meeting last night) commented to "not expect K to be around much longer"... well, REALLY weird!!! I mean, WHY would he say that???

The WORST part of the whole thing is that I KNOW T is quitting... she's going on medical EI and will be giving her notice in 2 days once she goes to her doctor and gets the proper documents signed... so I could potentially have a promotion within the company... IF I don't get the job at NIEFS... part of me is afraid, though, that my boss won't promote me if he knows I'm looking for other work... but as it stands, why should I not attempt to get this job that pays MINIMUM $20/hr when I'm currently making $8.5/hr??? Hell, even going from $12/hr to $20/hr is HUGE... it's nothing against the job, or my boss, or the work, or the place or hours or ANYTHING... it's about finding something I WANT to do that pays a GOOD wage with good benifits that maybe we can actually get ahead!!! We'd be able to go to Mac's sisters wedding next year in Mexico! ANd saving for Europe in 2012? Not to mention the gear for the motorcycles!

This job at NIEFS could be HUGE for us... if we can live off my wage at $8.5/hr... then over doubling it??? 

Hence why I'm trying not to get overly excited... or read too much into the comments my boss made...

Not to mention, I still have another phase of testing to make it through!!!

It would just be nice to get out of there. I really don't mind the work, but with winter time fast approaching... we've already had a couple days of unpleasant weather and it's NOT fun being wet and cold... and it really wasn't that bad... I'm really not looking forward to when it DOES get shitty!!!

And I'd really like to dress like a girl again. At work I wear pants, steel toed boots, and grubby jackets and t-shirts... I'd love to wear heals, skirts, blouses... not to mention perfume, jewelry, and lipstick...

And, as much as I like everyone, my one direct coworker is wearing on me... it's difficult to deal with him day in and day out... where every other word is a curse word. There's ALWAYS a story about everything. I'm tired of the staughter house talk (I'm glad I'm vegan to begin with, cause, WOW, I wouldn't be eating meat now!!!). And for anyone who's read "A new Earth", he has one of the biggest ego's I've ever seen!!! I recognize it and understand where the talk is coming from, but I'm tired of his "$135 bottles of cologne" and "$1000 watch" and the "$35k Mustang he's buying in the spring"... and how "he can never understand why the super hawt women always go for the guys who look like homeless bums and treat them like shit and how he should tone it down as obviously women don't like guys who take care of themselves and wear expensive cologne and nice clothes"... it gets nausiating all the talk... the CONSTANT talk... I'd say something, but it's obviously a personality thing, and he won't change. The worst part is when I pick people up who he's driven home... they've commented to me about the "stories" he's told them... the hunting stories he's told them.... I mean, COME ON!!! Ask the customer about their day and their lives. People like talking about themselves... so if you ask about them and their lives, they'll talk and they feel like you're taking a genuine interest in them!!!

Anyhow... just a few more days til I find out if I get called back... *crosses fingers*...

Friday:
So Friday at work was good. A LOT of driving, but some not my fault as I was given crappy directions and got lost- or went to their house to pick them up and I should have gone to their work (across town)

The highlight of my day was getting THE phonecall I was waiting for and wanting!!! The local job I applied for. The good part was I wasn't driving... the bad part was I was in Timmies making my daily coffee run and could barely hear, but didn't want to call her back- too excited, I guess! But I got through the initial "interview", made the first cut, and have an interview Monday morning!!! YEAH!!!

Unfortunately, a customer "reminded" me that the Olympic torch is coming through town the morning of my interview!!! I decided to avoid any additional stress, I'm going to stay home from work that morning- it'll be easier for me to go from my home to the interview rather that from work to the interview as the office is right on the route!!! Crossing the bridges are going to be HELL!!! ESPECIALLY as entire SCHOOLS are shutting down to go see! Even though from home it's only a 15 minute drive, I'm going to leave 45-60 minutes early! I don't care if I'm super early! Rather be 20 minutes early than 2 minutes late!!!

I don't think my boss was happy with me TELLING him I won't be in Monday morning as that would mean no driver/wash person (as it's only me Mondays) Mich told me she could do the driving and that... and if a person gets a dirty car? Oh, well... at least it runs! But, no... he's going to ask Pete if he can come in. Don't know why... he'll be sitting around doing nothing until I get there!!! MAYBE a car to wash!

The irritant I had Friday was a phone call from the motorcycle instructor I took those 2 refresher courses with. The "don't worry about it", "We'll discuss cost later", "it won't be very much" turned into a "could you get a cheque for $100 to me today?" Um, EXCUSE ME??? Okay, first of all, 1 1/2 months go by and NO contact what-so-ever, and suddenly he wants payment NOW as he's going out of town for the winter? Second of all, where was the discussion? There was no discussion! Out of the blue, it was $100 NOW... not mailed to him- meeting somewhere today and giving him money! And thirdly, $100 may not be much to him, but for me, that's at LEAST 1 1/2 days of working!!! Is it fair? The time and confidence it gave me, yes, I would have paid him that. But his execution SUCKS!!! Thank goodness it was payday and I actually had a full 2 weeks pay on it!!!

Didn't let that ruin my good mood, though... came home, got a bottle of wine, made dinner, did my makeup, dressed up, then went into the studio!


Saturday was a good relaxing day. Decided NOT to go to Victoria. Though we want/need to go to Vic anyhow, there wasn't much going on, so decided going to a bar... not that fun! And besides, we were able to do the Halloween thing at home- which we've never done!

Did a bunch of running around that we needed to do: Mac ordered his custom watch strap. Went to a couple stores I've been wanting to. Mac got a haircut. Stopped in at Safeway to get munchies, and on our way out "uncle Doug" gave us another pumpkin to carve. When we got home, dispite it being a BEAUTIFUL day, we stayed home (no bike ride) watched movies and cleaned the house a bit. I baked YUMMY tofu brownies! Trick-or-treaters started showing up at about 530, and the last ones at about 730... total 8... so once we decided no more kids, we got the rest of the candy and ate it! (MMMmmmm, Twizzlers!)

And now it's Sunday morning... early... even with setting the clocks back, 8 hours of sleep and I'm up! HOWEVER- looking out the window at 620am and seeing the sky lightening in the horizon is NICE!!! AND it looks to be a clear day, so MAYBE a ride today? We'll see! "Great Pumpkin Smash" at the composting education center.... and then? Who knows!!!

So I now have an application out in 2 places... the opportunities are huge...

One job I've known about for a couple weeks, but the closing date wasn't until tomorrow, so I had hesitated for a little while to apply as one of my PT clients happens to work for the company... she offered to look at my resume and cover letter and tweek it a bit. Due to illness and such, I didn't see her until last Thursday, so I emailed her my stuff, she re-vamped it, and I took it in yesterday. I should know on Friday whether I've been short listed. My client is also going to put in a good word for me... It's GOOD pay- the same, if not more, as the bank. I believe it'll be a bit more stressful- it's a job search, retraining, education funding service with the government. I believe I'm qualified- and the hours are great! 830-430, so almost exactly what I'm doing now!

The second job is a shot in the dark. My coworker actually sent me a message on FB to call her. This job wasn't on the system when she looked today at work, but was there when she got home from work  and closed tonight... so it's only posted for about 6 hours or so!!! Not much time! The job pays a bit more, BUT it's also out of town- about a 45 minute drive... I don't know what the hours are like- though it's government, it's also RCMP, so I don't know...

But I applied for both. I REALLY don't know which one I'd take if they both get offered to me... more money would be nice, but all that driving... not so bad in the summer when I could ride my bike, but not so great in the winter time. Plenty of people who live in Courtenay commute to Campbell River, so it shouldn't be an issue... but still. Wouldn't be as convenient for Mac if he needs a ride when the weather's crappy... IF both got offered, I'd probably stay local...

And if neither of them work out, I KNOW my coworker (who told me about the second job) is going on medical EI in a month or so... so her job will be opened up and she's already started to show me the systems... more money, but not what I COULD get... but better than what I'm at now, so a step up. And I really do like everyone there. Maybe if I can start up there, we can start making some changes... instead of all the miscommunications and bickering I hear...

It's exciting... and scary. All these changes and possibilities. I'm REALLY hoping I get the local job... it would be HUGE for us. If we can live off of my current wage, then making more than double?... paniers, travel, saving for Europe- and even being able to go to Mac's sisters wedding in Mexico next year!!! This could be HUGE for us... I'm excited, but trying not to be... if I get over excited and nothing happens, I'll be devistated... but I KNOW I'm qualified. For both jobs. If they don't hire me, it's their loss...

...just trying to be posotive... not egotistical...

As part of ongoing "homework" that my Yoga mentor has given the class is to continue learning with other yoga instructors. Try different teachers, different styles, different classes. See what you like, see what you want to incorporate, and see what you don't like.

Monday's right after work, starting next week, I'll be having a client to train. Since I don't have her tonight, I decided to take advantage of it and go to a class being offered at a local studio. I know the teacher from previous communications and I know people speak VERY highly of her...

... I couldn't help but leave there feeling slightly disappointed.

One aspect I did like was after the initial stretch, she (they) did some chanting. It sounded very poetic and soothing. I'm certain it was in sanscript, so I have NO idea what they were saying, so I hummed along in the same tone. Obviously not something I can do right away, but something I'd certainly like to try.

Bad thing #1... one of the "warmup" moves, I feel was too deep to do so early. I found it actually hurt to do. And, yeah, though I was able to twist deeper as time went on (we alternated sides frequently every few breaths) I have to wonder how much I'm going to hurt in the days that follow...

Bad thing #2... one of the moves we seemed to focus on was "half moon"... going from triangle to a balance position. Considering the proximity of my neighbour, I was constantly worried I would kick her in the head, or she'd kick me in the head, so I was constantly distracted and therefor could not perform the move. ANY decent teacher would recognize this obstacle and either eliminate the move, or suggest students to spread out and stagger better...

I did like the end pose... don't even know what it was, but I liked it: lying on your back, butt up against the wall and legs straight up. Have done this one before, but the variation was to add 3 foam blocks under the hips. It was a very nice stretch and very comfortable...

But this happened to be a one-off class I could take. I don't know if I'd go back! There's another class at a diffeent studio at the same time... and there's another class on Sunday mornings that I'm going to check out... so we'll see... 

"I was at a dinner where the guy giving grace ended by thanking God for the sun. The rest of the guests looked outside and saw that it was clowdy and overcast. After dinner, one of the guests asked him what he meant by it and he responded "Even though you can't see the sun, because it's daylight, you know it's there and that's why I'm thankful."

This was how the majority of the conversation went during our drive. We were chatting about weather, travel, work... it was a long drive, after all. I'm sure it was an innocent comment, but it was quite profound to me. The other comment he made also stuck:

"Don't look for a job you like, like the job you have" he continued to say how once you accept the position you're in and become happy with your situation, everything else will happen. 

I know that's sometimes easier said than done, but for those who have read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, you'll understand.

I came across that a few weeks ago. I was at work and the whole week was MISERABLE. I hated the job, it was beneath me, I wasn't appreciated, it was hard, labourous, dirty, smelly work and the one thing I enjoyed doing (driving) was being "taken away" from me by one of the desk girls. I wanted to quit.

Since then things have changed. My new coworker is awesome (though VERY chatty) he is an incredible worker and has so much energy it's almost irritating! Noone should have that much energy!!! But it's a small price to pay for my sanity... I never have to worry about coming into work and there being a dirty shop! It's one less thing to worry about.

But the biggest thing that's changed is me. I started re-reading the book and have noticed a profound change in my thought patterns. I realized all the "hate" I had for my job was my "pain body"... my ego was feeding off of all this negative emotion and making me miserable- the job isn't miserable, just my attitude. Ever since I changed my attitude, the days are better, easier to get through, more fun, and I'm smiling and joking around more.

As with the first statement, my happiness (the sun) was there, but was being clowded by my negative emotions. Once I banished the negative emotions, the happiness came! And now that I'm happy with my work, other things seem to be falling into place.

Life is good...

"Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark"  ~zen proverb

I want to give thanks to this year in general. Without this past year, I would not have known how wrong the last several years really were. 

"Be the change you want to see in this world"... but what if you don't change? Or won't? Or can't? Or don't know how? You stall. You coast. You exist, but don't live. Without this year, I would have continued to exist and not to live. 

Life shouldn't be about getting everything you want. It's about change and growth. And because of the crappy first half of the year, I realized I was existing, not living. It made me realize what was most important. And it wasn't what I thought. It made me see the errors of my past. It made me realize the importance of living my life how I wanted. It made me turn inwards and see what was missing.

I'm thankful for all you guys who gave me the courage to leave a poisonous job to pursue my love of fitness. And I'm extremely thankful for Shannon's patience for those 4 months after I quit as I existed in a cloud of fear, self pity, and self loathing. I give him credit for not yelling at me at all... that all "conversations" were conducted without raised voices (though I'm sure he regularly wanted to throttle me)... I'm thankful for what I'm calling the "lost time"... because it forced me to acknowledge my fear of failure and it was that fear that kept me from acting. I can't get that time back, but I can learn, grow, and overcome.

I'm very thankful for the seemingly random events that opened my eyes: The innocent birthday gift I gave to Shannon that made me realize I could have nothing and still be the richest, happiest person alive. June was a pivitol point of the year, and really in my life. I am so thankful for the retreat I got asked to teach at because it was there that I became lost that I truely found myself. That I started to peel back the layers of defenses and masks I'd worn for so long. Where I realized that where I was heading was not where I wanted to go. That the something that was missing was there all along. It gave me understanding, realization, direction, and a peace I had never felt before.

I'm thankful for 13 years with a wonderful companion, friend, and pet. August 4 we had to make the hard decision to put Thomas down after watching his health deteriorate very quickly. He will be in our hearts forever.

I'm thankful for Shannon, who has given willingly, selflessly, and constantly throughout our relationship; he who's gone without so I shall have. In order for us to achieve our dream of combining our desire to travel with our love of motorcycles, he sold his truck so I could have my own motorcycle so I don't have to be a passenger any longer. Some of my happiest times this year were chasing shadows. 

I'm thankful that I will do what needs to be done. That I now see my current job is an opportunity to be able to do what I want; evenings to train clients and weekends to spend with Shannon. And I'm thankful that I now, finally, have clients to train in the evenings. 3 wonderful women who motivate me to continue to strive to improve.

Making changes in ourselves is the hardest. I am thankful for this most difficult year because of the growth it required of me. Now I can begin to live.

Next year I have hopes of further personal growth, reaching for the stars, and achieving our dreams. 

So it's Friday of the long weekend and I'm finally feeling human; started feeling sick last Saturday. Been off work since Monday afternoon (left after lunch) it's been horrible. Especially as I cancelled a couple of my PT sessions... I hate being sick, but being in bed for the past 4 days has been horrible! But... I'm finally feeling better...

Though, guilty, a couple of occassions, in the afternoon when I woke, and saw the sun shining, decided I needed a couple things (ginger ale for my throat, and OTC drugs and lunch another day) so I hopped on the bike and went south (instead of north into town) and went to a convenience store about 15km away (about twice as far as town)

I just couldn't help it. The previous weekend, so beautiful and sunny, and I was in class for the yoga. The bike has just been calling me and I've been aching to take it for a ride. These were also the first rides I've done on my own; Mac's always been with me. PLUS I hadn't taken the bike for a ride since getting my new riding boots. I probably shouldn't have, with being unwell... and coughing into the helmet SUCKS... but I couldn't help it...

And the rides went beautifully... no problems with anything.

Thursday night Mac was unwell (getting what I had) and he wanted one of us to go to tai chi. I decided to take the bike- though (mistake) only wore my workout pants and it was chilly! I only lasted to the tea break- I think I pushed myself too fast (or just did something stupid!) But on the way home it was dark- first ride in the dark. Have to admit, didn't like it, but at least it was on roads I was familiar with. When we start going for our rides, definitely don't want to ride in the dark!!!

But I can't wait... I'm itching for Spring and summer to get here... to be able to hop on the bikes and go! I've been looking at the Harley map book and found a really cool ride just down in the US... I'm getting very excited to begin!

So I've had my bike for a week! YEAH ME!

So, I hate to admit it, that very first day, I dropped the bike! *CRIES*... we met Mac's dad at a pub in town. Before we even left the house, I knew the parking lot I'd be expected to navigate. I did NOT want to do it. In fact, I was feeling a little tired and should have just gone as a passenger... but figured I'd never get better if I didn't ride as frequently as possible. So... when it came time to leaving, I was so stressed and not really paying attention to what I was doing (I was about 3 steps ahead of myself) I dropped the bike. NOT happy!!! Mac eventually admitted he felt at fault. HE was fine with where we were at. I guess I should have just gone with my instinct and not parked with him. Oh, well... live and learn! Unfortunately, that also means my bike is scuffed (though not the blue paint- one little mark) but the brake lever is broken...

The Sunday we went out to Mac's mom's place... I was a bit nervous about the driveway, but I did pretty well. It's the hills I get nervous about... having to use the back (foot) brake in order to use the gas... a bit of co-ordination and I'm learning where everything catches...

Was nervous to drive to work- which was SUCH a shame as the weather was BEAUTIFUL! But on both Wednesday and Friday I took the bike as I had a bit more time after work. Mac met me at the shop and we took a scenic ride home. The first day (Wednesday) I almost dropped the bike again. I believe I almost made the same mistake again as I had when I dropped the bike. I managed to catch the bike, though, and I learned from the mistake. Haven't made it since!

Today we rode back to Spunky's for the tune up ($270!!! OUCH!!!) What a BEAUTIFUL ride! We bundled up, though, as it was quite windy. I was actually quite comfortable on the ride. Not too warm, but not cold. Finally got Mac to take a picture of me with the bike:

But the ride really was beautiful. We rode really well together (I felt)... we did staggered and it felt like we were riding together as opposed to another bike following behind... it was really cool! The wind was a little bothersome, but watching Mac helped me navigate the worst gusts. I was more comfortable riding on my own in the wind than as a passenger!!! 

I spent a good portion of the evening looking at equipment for the bikes and found a company that does touring vacations- they provide everything but the flight to the starting point! And reasonable rate, I think! SO many of the vacations seemed VERY cool (including Machu Pichu!!!) but several of the REALLY cool tours, one needs to be an "expert" rider including off road experience! So... NOT me... yet...

Anyhow... looking forward to getting as much riding as possible in before the weather gets crappy... which will be tomorrow... then it sounds like the rain starts... I'd like to have a bit more time (and my new riding boots) before I start plaing with additional factors to riding... we'll see though...

What a BEAUTIFUL day! Dawned clear (and cold!) but at least it was clear! Didn't sleep too well... maybe only about 5 hours... got up and played with money:

It was funny... the most cash I've had in my possession was about $350K.... but it meant nothing to me. Working at the bank, at Xmas, with 4 bank machines to fill over a long weekend... that's a lot of cash... but it wasn't mine, so who cares? But this $10K? WOW! I did NOT want to let it go! Sad to see the truck drive away, but I knew what that meant!!!

I was thankful that the ride down was the LAST as a passenger! From then on, it was MY bike! When I walked into the bike shop, Brent was there and was like "you must be Kaylee"... they were ready for me! So paperwork done, money handed over, insurance lady there and completed, service appointment booked for next weekend... on the road in about an hour! Well... maybe longer, but it didn't feel like that long!

And then we hit the road! ...too bad I stalled the bike! LOL... yes, clutch needs to be pulled in before one can move! Hahaha... oops!

....but THEN we were on our way! 

Went into Parksville for Mac to get gas. Got a bit of attention! Had a BEAUTIFUL ride home! (going to be heading out shortly, again!) Didn't get a chance to get some GOOD pictures of the bike, or me with the bike, but here it is!


LOVE IT!!!

What an insane week! All topsy-turvy and SUPER busy!

Thursday was great, as well... the #2 PT prospective client got back to me- and she does want to meet. Shannon got a call about the guitar. I got ANOTHER call about another prospective PT client and an appointment has been set. The guys came back for the truck and we got a shit pile of cash!!! We went to insurance and transferred everything over- it was sad to watch the truck drive away, though... we won $10 on the lotto ticket. Had Tai Chi. GOOD DAY!!!

(Even finding a $1600 charge on our MC we didn't make didn't dampen my mood!)

Friday was also good. I called the bike shop:
"Do you still have the blue Versys?"
"Yes"
"Could you put a sold sign on it?"
"I could certainly do that"
And the conversation continued... GAWD that felt good!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!! Just over 12 hours and it's MINE!!!


SOON! VERY SOON!!!!

The guy came and looked at the guitar... he wants it, but his car's in the shop... so it depends on how much it'll cost... he never got back to us, so either bad news (for h$m) or he didn't get the car back today... he seemed keen, though...

This week has gone SO well! I hate to admit it, but I'm waiting for the good to end... but I'm hoping it's finally a new chapter. Last chapter was the struggling and hardship, and finally it's our turn to start having some good luck and prosperity!

But I've been dreaming about riding him, shadowing Mac... and tomorrow my dream is coming true!

I will admit, today is the best day I've had in a long time!!! A few months, about!

I got up early and did some yoga. When Mac got up, he saw that there was an offer on the truck- too low, so he countered. When I checked my email, I had a SECOND PT inquiry!!! I've emailed her, but haven't heard back yet... I had a great day at work- though a LOT more driving than usual! (about 6 hours of the day!!!) The time I was back at the shop, we were productive and got a lot done- not a lot of cars coming through for washing, but cleaned out the detail bay- still a lot to do, but even just now it looks SO much better! Mac played phone tag with the guy who sent him the email and made arrangements to have them come by to see the truck after work.

They showed up- VERY nice young couple with her dad and his mom. They've been looking for a couple weeks and aparently NEED a truck by Sunday... going out of town! So after looking it over and a test drive, they're taking it! Sad... we were both hoping to keep the truck and sell the car... but I knew it would be the truck that sold... they'll be back tomorrow for the insurance aspect of it (and $$$!)

My PT client was running behind (she sent me an email as she didn't have my number), but she showed up about 720. Wonderful young lady! 25 years old, full time nursing student, mother of 2, foster mother of 3 including a very autistic girl! She's 6'3"!!! So we did all the paperwork and I did the assessment and we start training on Monday!

Needless to say, we're in a VERY good mood!!! It was a GOOD day!!! I'm SO stoked... I'm not tired right now!

So... at this moment, I am sitting here (seemingly WAY less patient than Mac) as we're waiting for someone to come by and look at the truck. It appears our idea worked... put both vehicles up, and whichever one doesn't sell, we'll keep. For some reason I KNEW it would be the truck that would sell! Mac put it up last night and by this morning we had an offer. We countered as it was too low- but I think they might have accepted our counter... why else would they be coming to look at it?

But I'm screaming and crying inside... I want this so, SO bad... but trying to maintain a calm outward appearance! I'm glad I was busy at work, as I was practically dancing around as it was with excitement and anticipation! 

I'm trying SO hard not to get my hopes up... I just know I'm going to be crushed if they don't take it... cause that means no motorcycle... and the longer it doesn't happen, the more likely it'll be that I won't get the blue bike I fell in love with (plus, it's a wicked deal right now as they're clearing out for the new season!)

... I don't recall the last time I wanted something SO bad!!!! (except my hubby, of course!)

*bites nails*... I think I should find something else to do...

So the new seat for the Versys came in... Mac put it on the bike and came by for my lunch on Friday... he hated it. It is 2" lower and 1" narrower- enough to change his posture he didn't like it. It was pretty good for me.
 
Today I decided to go for an errand... the weather was beautiful and Mac had suggested earlier in the day (when I went on a previous errand) that I take the bike. I decided to indulge this time. I donned my skinny jeans and knee high boots (with a platform for some extra stability) and my riding jacket. Mac said I looked hot...

The ride was beautiful. Warm. Clean, clear highway. The only way it could have gotten better is if I was chasing Mac instead of my dreams.

Now, I have to go and paint. I intend on getting my bike!

I believe it struck Mac before it struck me. Why are we trying to live the life others are expecting of us? We've been married for 13 years now and it's "strange" we don't have children. We decided that it's not the life WE want to lead! Yes we want to be parents, but why do they have to be of OUR flesh and blood? We can easily provide the love, affection, and attention on a child already of the world who doesn't have anyone. And yet both of us, I believe, felt pressured by family to have a child of our own.

So who's being selfish? Them for their expectations, or us for wanting to live the life WE want to live?

I believe the answer is simple.

So that's when this wacked-out journey began. Purging our lives of material crap we no longer need or want. We are not defined by the possessions we own. So why do we have all this CRAP? So we're slowly (very slowly) getting rid of it. The money we raise through this purging is going towards my bike fund.

So that's our wacked-out life plan. Buy me a motorcycle. Kit both out with travel gear- side bags, travel tents, bike-to-bike communications. And travel. See North America from the back roads less-travelled on our motorcycles. Stop and camp by mountain streams, off logging roads, and open plains.

Who says a holiday has to be going to a warm sandy beach or far off lands? We want to create lasting memories that we can look back on and say we did something WE wanted to do! Ultimately, we want to ship our bikes over seas. To Europe- or maybe even South Africa! Take a month or two and tour around.

That's our dream. My only regret is not realizing it sooner. And not CHASING it sooner!!! This past weekend I got a SMALL taste of what it'll be like to ride in my husbands wake. Or sitting side by side at a traffic light. It was a wonderful feeling and I even cried a bit in my helmet- all this lost time and regret. But we're doing it now. We've realized what's important to us and we're chasing that dream.

And once I sell my car, the bike is mine...

We did get faced with a dilema yesterday. Mac's sister is getting married. In Mexico. About $2k per person. We said no. We WANTED to say yes. But even if we didn't have this dream we're chasing, I don't know if we'd be able to even still do it!!!

Anyhow... off to my job...

Looking back this week, and I find that I was provided a fortunate set of circumstances. Monday on my lunch, I decided to go to Jack's motorcycle shop. They were closed, of course, but I noticed there was a sign to rent motorcycles! So the next day I called back, spoke to a fella and reserved a bike for the weekend- today. Later that day, I got a call from the motorcycle instructor after 2 weeks of nothing. He invited me out THAT night to take a refresher course.

The refresher course was hard. I didn't realize how much I didn't know! Granted it was probably just rust... I got my license about 14 years ago and it's probably been about 13 years since I last rode!!! Oops! The instructor was hard and it was VERY frustrating, and I DID want to give up, but I knew I wouldn't become a better rider if I didn't suck it up and RELAX! By the end it was great!

Thursday we had a road ride- there were 5 of us. The instructor, 2 students, myself and Mac. It was good. A BEAUTIFUL evening! And I learned about counter steering. Mac tried to explain it to me, but until I TRIED it, I didn't understand.

I'm glad I had that fortunate invite- though I was nervous, I was certainly more comfortable had I not had that extra time! The bike was nice, and the people were awesome! In fact, we felt like we made off like bandits... the rental itself only cost $80 including taxes. But the information we learned was worth WAY more! As it turns out, they are also shipping their bikes to Europe next year for the same thing as us!!! So they gave us all the information they had located about shipping the bikes over. By ship, it's $4k BOTH bikes, return!!! Granted it's cargo ship, which means time and planning... but we'll have to do some more research. Talk to people who've done it. They also pointed us in the direction of a website that people do EXACTLY this! So renting the bike was WELL worth it!

But what a BEAUTIFUL day!!! The ride was fabulous! Had no problems handling the bike. I was concerned going from a 250cc to a 650cc motor would be really noticable, but it wasn't. Obviously weight was an issue, but it wasn't that bad. Center of gravity was low, so easy to handle! Had another issue with dogs- I had 2 wander out in front of me , but at least they didn't try and attack like the flee bag on Thursday night!!! Had a mechanical issue... It felt like something was wrong, but I knew we were close to home, so I didn't say anything... until it became aparent something was WRONG... so blinker on, pulled over to the shoulder just as my engine died, and I watched Mac disappear around the corner... but he realized I wasn't there and came back. As it turned out, I ran out of gas! So we put it to the reserve, and rode the 2 km to the gas station we knew was up ahead. No biggie. I did stall the bike once, but it was near the end of the trip (on the way to take it back) but it was on a hill... did well every other time, though!

My most favorite image that I will always remember is chasing my shadow. The sun was setting behind me and my shadow stretched before me on the road. I wish I had a camera and cound have taken a picture...

So tonight, Mac found an add on Craigslist for a dirt bike. $600... too good to be true? Wouldn't hurt to check it out. We were a little skeptical on our way out as there was "no papers"... stolen? When we got there, our minds were put at ease and we "knew" we could trust the guy.

It was a little 200cc dirt bike... in some need of some TLC... most issues were cosmetic, but we figured it would be a good opprotunity to tinker around with it, fix it up, and get used to riding in dirt and gravel- and if we dump? Who cares! It was a nice fit for me and the speed would be sufficient. I rode it around the house a few times, then grabbed my helmet and took it to the street. The blinkers worked, as did the head light, but it wasn't registered and had no insurance; there for not street legal. I'd REALLY want to be able to ride it to/from work... we COULD get it street legal, but would have to jump through hoops.

We were VERY close to getting it. I made the smart suggestion of not taking the cash with us in order to prevent impulse buying. Give us a chance to think about it- even if it was on the way to and from the bank machine. I had $200 of my saved allowance, and $400 was in the account. On the way to the bank machine, we decided against it. I made the comment that the $400 was the cost of the seat to lower the height on Mac's bike. As we're planning on getting me the same bike, we're going to get me the seat now so we can share the bike... or at least allow me to ride without Mac on the back every now and then. Don't like the extra 180 lbs and change of center of gravity. If we already HAD my bike, then that would be different...

It would have been a TON of fun... but, oh, well... it proved to me that I WAS comfortable on the bike and I just needed a bike that fit me better.
Today I also discovered another bike shop in town we just heard about a week ago that rents bikes... so tomorrow I'm going to call and see how much, then maybe on Saturday, we'll go and rent me one, then ride to Spunky's in Coombs and order the seat and look at accessories.
 
We also set a goal: Europe bike tour in 2012... essentially for Mac's 40th birthday! 2 1/2 years? We'll see... we definately have the INTENSE desire.... WE can probably fly there free considering the airmiles we have- and it'll be about $5k for each of the bikes. We're starting to make lists of things we need. I'll probably start using my allowance to buy supplies... get there sooner! Considering my job, it's not like I need new clothing! And if I do, I can just go to a thrift store and look for tops... so, really, nothing else I need/want to buy...

Aparently my work buys used cars... doesn't have to be Ford, and doesn't have to be used as a trade in. I'll be checking into that! It would be nice to get $5K... that would bring it to about 90%...

*crosses fingers*...

So I've now finished my second week at the dealership. It's going well. It's hot, heavy, dirty, and sweaty. I love everything except the smells and the chemicals. My hands are pretty rough.... but I guess it'll be an excuse to go for manicures more often! I now understand Mac's "complaints" about being burned out. We work about the same hours and I find myself very tired at the end of the day. Hasn't helped that this week my sleep has been virtually non-existant on some nights! But I'm trying to get in the habit of at least my yoga in the mornings- though Mac and I are trying to get in the gym for weights in the evenings... that happened once...

But it'll get better... I hope!

But I get along with everyone GREAT.... now that Tony's gone (the guy I was replacing) I've had a couple of the guys comment that I'm nicer to look at than him... hahaha... I DO work with a bunch of mechanics, after all! LOL! One guy I was chatting with made a referance to that "something-something" I seem to have... and another guy said it was my "aura" that has stolen his heart... lol... so cute! Needless to say, I'm well liked! And I think a couple of them are hoping I will replace one of the other girls up front...

But everything seems to be going fine... It was nice yesterday to have a "real" paycheck- my last one from GNC and then 1 week from the dealership. It'll be interesting to see how things change over the next couple months... how much we can save...

Tai chi starts in about 3 weeks... really looking forward to that. And my yoga teacher training in about 6. Getting REALLY excited about that! We're starting to try and pick up where we seemed to leave off 4 months ago with advertising... trying to get this show on the road! I'd also REALLY like to see about the nutrition certification. SFU has a correspondence course Shell is taking... I'll have to check it out again... I've also been asked to put on a short "seminar" for the school district about stress management and stretches/exercises they can do at their desk... that's next Friday... I don't know where I was on the list of people, but I don't care! Get my name out! I'm also looking at renting one of the community halls to rent to put on a class this fall... so we'll see...

Life without Thomas seems to be getting easier... there's definately a hole in my heart that I doubt will ever go away... but I haven't cried in about a week... too busy, I guess... mind on other things... His photo is on the family wall... so I look at it every time I go up or down the stairs. Certain things are definately easier without him... don't have to be AS concerned about open doors. Kitten doesn't jump onto the counter (probably too fat)... but I miss him...

Anyhow... dinner's almost ready, so movie's on! 'NITE!